My Book (VERY ROUGH)

UnicornInvasionUnicornInvasion Member Posts: 301
edited March 2012 in Miscellaneous
I thought I would share this with the Gamesalad community even though it has nothing to do with gaming, I just finished writing the prologue of my book. If there is anything to improve tell me and as I said it is a draft! Here it is...


Prologue: Introductions
My name is Mildred and I am a mouse. I eat cheese and chocolate. I live a fairly simple life. Most mice do. But my life was about to change drastically. I live in the Mason’s household. But I do not live alone. I live with the whole town of Maville. The town always has that wow factor. We are not like other mice towns. We all know each other. As there are only 60 mice names to remember. Everyone had a role and everyone performed that role amazingly. My role was the seamstress. I took after my mum who took after her mum. Most mice take after there parents. We were like the human world but smaller. We had a royal family, celebrities and sportsmen. We were every bit like human but they managed to take over the world before us and now we live in between walls in houses. It just wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t us mice live as happily as humans? Why couldn’t us mice eat whole food, not just the scraps? Why couldn’t we be superior? I guess it wasn’t the case of who got there first but it was population and size. If only there was a way to multiply us mice or change our size. But that was way out of our capability. We were still using the human’s trash. Sorry, I started rambling. Lets get on with the story, Shall we?

Comments

  • CloudsClouds Member Posts: 1,599
    edited March 2012
    Actually, it sounds like a great premise for a game ! :)
    Mice running around in wall cavities, trying to take over the human's house.
    If there is anything to improve tell me . . . .



     

    Most mice take after their parents.
    We had a Royal Family, celebrities and sportsmen.
    We were every bit like humans but they . . .
    Why couldn’t us mice eat whole food, not just the scraps? ['whole food' will generally be taken to mean foods that are unprocessed and/or organic.]
    I guess it wasn’t a case of who got there first but it was population and size.
    But that was way out of our capabilities.
    Lets get on with the story, shall we?



  • UnicornInvasionUnicornInvasion Member Posts: 301
    Thank You for your feedback!
  • UnicornInvasionUnicornInvasion Member Posts: 301
    @Tynan

    What word would I use instead of whole food?
  • CloudsClouds Member Posts: 1,599
    edited March 2012
    @Tynan

    What word would I use instead of whole food?
    There are numerous words you could use, depending on what you want to convey:


    Why couldn’t us mice eat actual food, not just the scraps?
    Why couldn’t us mice eat decent food, not just the scraps?
    Why couldn’t us mice eat nice food, not just the scraps?
    Why couldn’t us mice eat real food, not just the scraps?
    Why couldn’t us mice eat normal food, not just the scraps?
    Why couldn’t us mice eat fresh food, not just the scraps?
    Why couldn’t us mice eat nutritious food, not just the scraps?
    Why couldn’t us mice eat proper food, not just the scraps?


    Etc etc . . .

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