Help with texts

mmzbrmmzbr Member Posts: 311
in Working with GS (Mac)
Hello guys, i'm finishing my new rpg game but need help with some texts (english isn't my primary language). Could you guys help? Here's the texts, feel free to rewrite if there's errors.

"PEOPLE SAY THE HOUSE AT NORTHEAST OF HERE IS HAUNTED!"

"THERE IS AN ABANDONED MINE TO THE EAST OF HERE."

"YOU CAN REPAIR YOUR WEAPON WITH THE USE OF AN ANVIL."

"My husband is a merchant, he was selling his products in a village east of here. 10 days have passed and he has not returned. Could you help me please? "



Comments

  • gyroscopegyroscope I am here.Member, Sous Chef, PRO Posts: 6,598
    edited December 2012

    @mmzbr Hi, well, considering english isn't your first language, you've done extremely well, I'd say. :-)

    The only correction I can see (which isn't totally necessary anyway) would be in the first one; take out the word "at" to make it:

    "PEOPLE SAY THE HOUSE NORTHEAST OF HERE IS HAUNTED!"

    And although the second one isn't incorrect, it would probably be more usual to just say:

    "THERE IS AN ABANDONED MINE TO THE EAST."

    But really, either way is fine.

    Your game is sounding interesting even from these few lines; best of luck with it. :-)

    ""You are in a maze of twisty passages, all alike." - Zork        temp domain http://spidergriffin.wix.com/alphaghostapps

  • mmzbrmmzbr Member Posts: 311
    @gyroscope Thank you very much, here is a beta footage (sound is shuttering on video but its work 100% on device).

  • SocksSocks London, UK.Member Posts: 12,822


    "PEOPLE SAY THE HOUSE AT NORTHEAST OF HERE IS HAUNTED!"

    "THERE IS AN ABANDONED MINE TO THE EAST OF HERE."

    "YOU CAN REPAIR YOUR WEAPON WITH THE USE OF AN ANVIL."

    "My husband is a merchant, he was selling his products in a village east of here. 10 days have passed and he has not returned. Could you help me please? "

    Basically what Gyroscope said, the only real mistake is the 'AT' ("AT NORTHEAST OF HERE”). Anything beyond that is a matter of personal writing style / prose.

    I would be a little more consistent in how you structure these lines, for example with the abandoned mine you say it is 'TO THE EAST OF HERE' so I would do the same for the haunted house (use 'TO THE . . . ').

    PEOPLE SAY THE HOUSE TO THE NORTH EAST OF HERE IS HAUNTED.
  • gyroscopegyroscope I am here.Member, Sous Chef, PRO Posts: 6,598
    @gyroscope Thank you very much, here is a beta footage (sound is shuttering on video but its work 100% on device).

    ----video ---
    Very nicely done, @mmzbr ! Some complex rules going on in there, it looks like; looks to be enjoyable to play too. :-)

    ""You are in a maze of twisty passages, all alike." - Zork        temp domain http://spidergriffin.wix.com/alphaghostapps

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