App Description Thread.
RabidParrot
Formally RabidParrot.Member Posts: 956
I created this thread so people would be able to post their app descriptions and have other GS users comment on them. Any criticism is good but constructive criticism works best. Trying to improve one's app description is the main goal of this thread.
I will be commenting one of my own descriptions here shortly, but feel free to start posting your own app descriptions below.
Credit for the idea is given to @Socks
Comments
Nice!
Thanks for creating this thread...Its kind of like the "Announce your Game" thread but I feel that is for finished games...mine is not...and its called (for now anyways) "Speed Slots"
"Speed Slots"
15 reels spin to win in less than a second. 30+ paylines, (15 currently in production) A Bonus Reel with activators for Free Spins, Bonus Wheel, Progressive Pot as well as a Mega Win sequence as well as a couple other features I have not figured out yet wether I can implement them or not.
It also will have a daily bonus and free coins option should you choose to view an ad for more games.
For now it has one theme...Classic Slots (Sevens, Diamonds, Bars and Cherries etc)
It will be a free game with in app purchases for additional coins shoukd you choose to circumvent the amount you wish to bet, which is determined by the level system in game) based on how many times you have "Spin to Win"
Below is a screenshot as it is in adhoc testing...my current "nightly build" current version "Speed Slot v1.5"
Nevermind about the screenshot. I must still be in jail Im not allowed to post images anymore...which is the exact reason I got put in jail so that makes sense.
Complete Guide to iOS Publishing {} Complete Guide to Mac Publishing
I always write:
"Big things are coming. Stay tuned."
at the end of my apps.
hahaha
"Simply Blocked"
It's just Simply Blocked.
Play the best new puzzle game on the market. You must guide a block through more than 90 levels. Each level has it's own set of obstacles and challenges. Try to to jump, slide and maneuver around dangerous objects. Timing is key to beating each level.
Encounter things like split second decisions, gravity changes and flipped screens. This game is for all ages, but not everyone will be able to reach the end.
• Simply Challenging
• Over 90 Levels
• Addicting
• Simplistic Graphics
• Blood!
Download it FREE now!
@Rabid_Parrot I think that looks pretty good. I would avoid writing "things like" because it is a less assertive way of saying something. Why not write "Encounter split second decisions, gravity changes, flipped screens, and more!"? Same goes for "...but not everyone will be able to reach the end." I would write that as "Will you reach the final level or will you be Simply Blocked?" I also don't think "Simplistic Graphics" is a positive description of an app. Time to get the thesaurus out since I can't think of a better word. Okay, the thesaurus didn't help. How about "Entertaining Graphics" or "Engaging Graphics" or something along those lines? Or if you want to stick to the theme of Simply, perhaps "Simply Mindblowing Graphics."
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Agreed, maybe "face split second decisions, gravity changes, flipped screens" or "survive split second decisions, gravity changes, flipped screens" ?
I had exactly the same idea, present the final pay off as a challenge, rather than just another chunk of information.
Again, agreed, and again I had exactly the same reaction to 'simplistic', it feels pejorative, in fact I don't know of any situation where its use isn't pejorative. Maybe 'minimalist' ?
"Simply Blocked"v2
It's just Simply Blocked.
Play the best new puzzle game on the market. You must guide a block through more than 90 levels. Each level has it's own set of obstacles and challenges. Try to to jump, slide and maneuver around dangerous objects. Timing is key to beating each level.
Survive split second decisions, gravity changes and flipped screens. Will you reach the final level or will you be Simply Blocked?
• Simply Challenging
• Over 90 Levels
• Addicting
• Blood!
Download it FREE now!
Thanks @tatiang and @Socks
In addition to what @tatiang has already said . . .
I'd loose all the 'you must's and 'try to's, it all feels a little unsure of itself.
Also 'guide a block through' sounds impersonal and very literal, I always think DIY/indie/amateur game descriptions are too literal.
Big company description: "Will you survive the breathless onslaught to get your hands on the elusive golden challis ? With over 40 levels of non-stop mayhem follow our hero on a roller-coaster ride of nerve-shredding split second decisions in his quest for the ultimate glory"
DIY/indie/amateur description: "Try and move a character though 40 level and try and win a golden challis to win the game"
'You must guide a block through more than 90 levels' is quite workman like, doing the bare minimal to get the idea of over, of course none of this need be poetry but it could be a little less utilitarian. Here's my take on it, I've left out the [descriptive] words as I don't know the game, but I think you definitely need some.
Guide your block through more than 90 [descriptive] levels, each with its own set of [descriptive] obstacles and [descriptive] challenges . . . jump, slide and manoeuvre yourself around [descriptive] dangerous objects with pinpoint timing to survive.
e.g.
Guide your block through more than 90 fiendishly difficult levels, each with its own set of formidable obstacles and intricate challenges . . . jump, slide and manoeuvre yourself around the ever-present treacherous objects with pinpoint timing to survive.
"Simply Blocked"v3
It's just Simply Blocked.
Play the best new puzzle game on the market. Guide your block through more than 90 extremely difficult levels, each with its own set of immense obstacles and complex challenges. Jump, slide and manoeuvre yourself around the ever-present treacherous objects with pinpoint timing to survive.
Face split second decisions, gravity changes and flipped screens. Will you reach the final level or will you be Simply Blocked?
• Simply Challenging • Over 90 Levels • Addicting • Blood!
Download it FREE now!
See now that's looking better
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"Play the best new puzzle game on the market."
I'd be pretty uncomfortable about making claims or statements like this. Unless it really is the best out there, claims like this could backfire on you. I know its all about bigging up and promoting the product, but you shouldn't go over the top
Other than that, I'd say keep descriptions short and to the point. Use bullet points instead of long descriptive sentences and paragraphs.
You only see 3-4 lines of the description by default, and have to click to see more. Im guessing most people just read the first few lines, and don't bother to look at the rest, so long winded ramblings are probably just wasted most of the time.
Those descriptives in my example where just thrown in as examples, there are ok, not not great, I'm sure someone could come up with something better, for example 'ever-present treacherous objects' is a little awkward !
Seeing as how each level changes, how about: "Jump, slide and manoeuvre yourself around this ever-evolving landscape with pinpoint timing to survive."
Or instead of 'landscape' maybe 'environment' ?
And 'extremely difficult' doesn't sound like fun at all !
Also, are the obstacles actually 'immense' ? In this context the word can only really mean very big.
"Simply Blocked"v4
It's just Simply Blocked.
Play the best new puzzle game on the market. Guide your block through more than 90 quite difficult levels, each with its own set of ever-changing obstacles and complex challenges. Jump, slide and manoeuvre yourself around perilous objects with pinpoint timing to survive.
Face split second decisions, gravity changes and flipped screens. Will you reach the final level or will you be Simply Blocked?
• Simply Challenging • Over 90 Levels • Addicting • Blood!
Download it FREE now!